~*Shopping cart test...coming to a town near you!*~

hmmmm......i've been doing some thinking...
i think people should be required by law to take and pass a test in order to drive a shopping cart. they should have to study for months and then when they feel that they are ready, they have to report to the DRV/SCD...the Department of Retail Vehicles/Shopping Cart Division.
no one under the age of 16 would be able to get a license and they could only carry those nifty little handle baskets, you know the ones that only hold like a loaf of bread and three oreo's. afterall you're only a teenager, what do you need with a shopping cart for anyway?
any minor may lose their priviledge to use the basket if any of the following violations occur:
1. if while skipping down an aisle, swinging said basket and singing the latest hip-hop/pop/soft-drink jingle, the youngster smacks old ms. jones up side her blue-tinted hair which in turn causes her to fall into a display of bleach and since then she has white patchy hair and can no longer see colors...no basket priviledges for 6 months.
2. you and an anorexic friend decide to use basket as a sled through the automotive section where an open bottle of oil has spilled which may or may not have been tipped over by another stoned out friend giggling like a hyena...no basket priviledges for 6 months.
3. you go to the cd section and decide to pick out every cd that you would like to have if ever any rich relative in your family kicks the bucket and may leave you some money then discover that you need another basket and after filling up that one you go to the bedding department where you sit on the floor on a nice soft velveteen pillow to look over your stash and realize how stupid you are being and leave everything there and just go home to download some songs for free...besides you don't need all of those cd's cluttering up your room...no basket priviledges ever and no shopping carts until you can prove you are worthy.
the basket rules will be updated at a later date as we have been told that most teenagers wouldn't be caught dead with a shopping cart much less a tiny little basket. the rule violations listed above were committed by geeky teens that were found in a uncool little southern town on a saturday night at an all night retail store and will not apply to everyone.
getting back to the adult shopping cart testing, each test will consist of three parts:
a. written test to see if you can properly identify each part on a shopping cart including the sharp, broken, hard plastic handle that could be considered a deadly weapon and the wom-pu-tee-wom-pu-tee gum encrusted or rubber missing wheels.
b. an eye test to see if you need corrective lenses for long distances and bifocals for reading the small print on sales signs which could also lower blood pressure because hissy fits would be unheard of.
c. a driving portion which would offer an obstacle course. a shopping cart will be supplied, no need in bringing your own. course will include tricky food counters and towering displays, clothing racks and mothers with shopping carts holding all nine of their kids, inside and outside of the cart.
failure to complete all three parts of the test and license will be denied. however, test can be taken again in one hour. lounge area is provided and tiny snack foods pierced with toothpicks will be served.
licenses will be good for 2 years for citizens 16 to 40 and licenses will be valid for only 1 year for citizens 41-80 as we feel this demographic of the population are sometimes considered loose cannons and aisle rage and pretzel throwing could occur.

...see, i've been doing some thinking :P i definately think i've been in retail much too long! ~lata hey! visit my Scotty's diary. He wrote a cute poem about me :)

eatinG: nothing, but me and sweetie are going out to find something in a few :)
hearinG: i'm in the mood for some reggae, but i don't own any :(
readinG: my loan rejection papers from my OWN work place for a student loan! they suck!
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© jofetish on
Friday, Feb. 11, 2005 at 6:22 p.m.
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