This is an ending, but I'm looking for a new beginning

Whew! It's been a couple of weeks since I've updated. Things have been...well, you decide...

Two weeks ago, on a Tuesday, I was working and whacked myself in the head with a metal bar. I almost passed out when it happened, but still had enough of my senses to pretend like everything was okay as I looked around to see if anyone had seen me do it. I then went to a mirror because I just knew I had blood running down my face. Nah, but I had a big blue bump already forming right above my right temple. I immediatedly felt like I was going to hurl, and decided to go report it to my manager. I just wanted her to know that if I passed out at any time, that would be the reason. She insisted on filling out an accident report. I know they have to do it, but it was my own stupid fault.

Today, the knot is still there, but most of the color has gone away.

That was two weeks ago...last week on Monday, I assisted a very irate, nasty woman. Not just nasty acting, but nasty. She insisted that she had brought back a bracelet to our store months ago, and the person that helped her told her to just bring back her receipt and we'd give her a new one. If we didn't have one, she wanted the money. First, she made me and another associate look for this imaginary bracelet. She barked orders to look here and there. Finally, I had had enough of her bitching, and told her that she was being rude. She then told me how hard her life was and that her car was broken down. She kept saying things about not being a liar or not being a theif. We never once mentioned these words to her...even though I thought them.

After about 30 minutes of searching, and being verbally abused, we called the assistant manager to come and talk to her. We tried to tell him that the bracelet was not there, and even took him off to the side to tell him that something did not seem right about her. He did what he usually does, he offered to give her the money back. HUH?!? Since when can someone visit a store with only a receipt, one from March, I might add, and get money back for something they don't physically have in their hands? WTF?

I forgot to mention about her banging on the glass counters right before I called the assistant. She kept banging on the glass and I just knew she was gonna break it. At one point, I had to help another customer that walked up to the counter during all of this crap. I do know her, but she did want to buy something. The nasty woman behind me, said something about me being rude. I turned around to face her, and told her, "NO MA'AM, I AM NOT RUDE! IN FACT, I'M ONE OF THE NICER PEOPLE YOU'LL FIND IN THIS STORE!" The lady that I was helping, and a former employee, said, "Yeah, she is!". I know that what I said, and the volume in which I delivered it, was not that of a nice person, but she was pissing me off. I am not a rude person, and I usually let people get by with verbally abusing me, but not this time!

By this time, the weasel assistant had retreated to the office and the woman was wanting her refund. I called him, and he told me to send her to the service desk. He was not gonna come out of that office.

Anyway, she left, and I was glad to be done with her...

Until Tuesday...

I was talking about what had happened the day before to some employees that had not been there, and the woman that helped that nasty piece of shit at the service desk, said that when she got to the counter, she bled all over the place. Ick. Oh, that's not all. She then started bragging about having hepatitis.

When I heard this, I immediately got worried and scared. My aunt died this year from the complications of hepatitis. Ten years ago, she was diagnosed with it and it destroyed her liver. In the years that followed, she had two liver transplants. She held on as long as she could, but earlier this year, she died. This is still fresh in my mind, and the thought of it just scares me.

I went to the pharmacy to talk to the pharmacists. I wanted to know how you can get it, and what could possibly be my risks. The girl that was working with me during that icky woman's visit, has already had her hepatitis shot, and she didn't have to worry about it. The pharmacist told me to call the Health Department and ask them. During all of this, our fearful, and much-hated manager knew the situation and did nothing.

The woman at the health department told me that there are three different types of hepatitis and how you can get them. She told me that if I was not in direct contact with the woman's blood, than I had a slim chance of getting it. She then told me that I should go ahead and tell the manager that I wanted to get the shots.

This is where the story begins that made me feel like a criminal.

I went to see Mr. Shithead, and told him about what the nurse had said. He was immediately pissed. He said, "Well, how do we even know she has hepatitis?!?". I told him that with her just saying it was enough for me to worry about my health and I wanted the shots. This made him even more pissed off. He said, "Well, go on over to the emergency room and get your shots!". During all of this, he never once asked who else needed to be told, or who might want to get the shots. He did not care. My friend told him that the lady at the service desk did not want to get the shots because she is afraid of needles, and he said that that was her right and she could do whatever she wanted. Oh, sure, she was doing the right thing by the company.

I asked him about getting some kind of information to give the hospital about our workman's comp...addresses or names, and he told me that I wouldn't need that.

I wanted my friend to take me to the hospital, but dickhead said no and told me to wait until my manager got there. No biggie, she was due to arrive in 30 minutes.

My manager got there and the lady that did not want the shots, had decided that she did want them. She called shithead and told him of her plans, and he was mean to her over the phone. I don't get it, you would think he would be interested in all of this. Especially with both of us being scared. I know, I'm living in a dream world.

The hospital did not have any of the medicine, so we were sent to a workman's comp doctor. During all of this driving, my manager was instructed by Mr. dickhead to throw us out at this guy's office and come back to get us when we called. He is so stupid. I knew that she would need to answer some questions and be a representative of the store. Dur. I talked her into going inside with us, and guess what? Yeah, she had to answer questions and gather information about where to send the bills. I've never done anything like this, but I knew that we could not just go in to a doctor's office and say, "hey, we are from Joe-Blo's pool hall and we want some drugs". Idiots.

From this point, we had to fill out all kinds of information about our health and HIV stuff. Then we were separated and put into different rooms for the doctor to see us. When he came to see me, he wanted to know the story. I started out by telling him that I did not know all that much about hepatitis and quite franky, I was very scared. I told him that I just wanted him to comfort my fears. He looked at me like I was stupid. Then he began to explain things to me as if I was a five-year-old. He told me that there was a zero to none chance that I could have been contaminated. I said that that made me feel better and it was good news. He then looked at me, and said, "BUT, since YOU started THIS, you are required by law to take blood tests for the next year". Huh? I started this? Umm...no, that funky ass bitch started this. He then said, "The first test will tell us whether YOU already have hepatitis or HIV in your body". That pissed me off, because it's like I made this whole thing up because I do have both of those diseases and want free medical care. What a dick! I left his office feeling like the police were going to be waiting for me outside with tear-gas. The other lady said he was the same with her.

My blood pressure was so high the rest of that day and on into the night, I'm surprised that I didn't have a stroke or heartattack. I was so upset and cried all afternoon. I finished my day out, and then cried some more. I felt betrayed by so many people. It just plain hurt. I had two bouts of sleep apnea during the night, and that scared me. I'm thinking that it may be caused by stress because I haven't been bothered with that in about 2 months or so.

Okay, that happened on Tuesday...this next thing happened on Friday. I was scheduled to work 12:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. I arrived on time and was feeling pretty good. I had decided to not let what happened a few days before weigh too much on my mind, because I'm a little bit worried about my heart right now. I'm trying not to worry.

That lasted about 6 hours. Almost a whole shift. I was talking to my manager and she told me that after she comes back from her vacation, we are supposed to go over my yearly evaluation. I told her that I'm sure it's not that great because of the last few months. We've had some problems because I caught her in many lies, and I just did not want to associate with her. I did what she said, but I had not been chit-chatting with her. She told me that she had done my evaluation and turned it in to Dickhead and his fuck-buddy Vera, and they told her that it was unacceptable. They told her to do it again, and not to score me as high as she did. Again...HUH? This is my direct supervisor and she knows how and when I work. They know shit.

Well, I was kind of upset about that, but I was trying to let that go. Around 7:00 I decided to take a break. On the way to the breakroom, I decided to stop by the office to see if my evaluation was where I thought it would be. I just wanted to see it. My boss always leaves evaluations under her big calendar pad. Not a good idea, and I'm sure it is not company policy because of the lack of privacy, but where I work, they do exactly what they want to do.

I found it and began to read. It didn't take too long for me to notice that by the score, I should have been fired a long time ago. My manager took what has happened to us over the past two months and judged me by that. There was nothing on there from when it started in October of 2004. There was no good. The tears welled up when it said that I was not respectful to others. This hurts me because I'm always the one that is considerate of others. People walk all over me, and sure I get pissed, but I never do anything. I scored an 11 out of a 22. In all of my years with the company...almost 15, I have always been scored exceptional. I've always had good reviews. The only bad things that have ever been said about me is that I'm not trusting of others when all they want to do is help me. This came about because sometimes when someone helps me, I think it's because I'm not doing my job good enough. I don't necessary think that is a bad thing. I was only trying to do my job.

I started crying, and it was then I decided to write old shithead a note to go with my evaluation. It said...In order to get respect, one must give it. This company gives nothing but disrespect. I see that I scored 11 points out of a possible 22. I have never scored this low. It there is a raise that comes with this, I do not want it. I do not want a raise. Thank you.

See, I was polite, I told him thank you. I called Scott and he could barely understand me. I told him to come and get me. I was done.

The weasel assistant that I mentioned before came into the office and looked at me before quickly going in the other direction. I was crying so hard that my breath was catching in my throat. I'm sure you know what kind of crying that is. I told him that I was leaving. He said, "What?". Like I had wounded him, and I told him that he could call it sickness or whatever he wanted, I was going home. He did not say anything else and never looked at me again.

Between the time I went to my locker and getting to the front door, I decided that I was done with this company. There is no need in beating a dead horse, and if I stay, I'll only be more miserable everyday, with a chance of being that disrespectful person they think I am. I am going in tomorrow to tell them goodbye. I will not tell them what I think of them, unless provoked. I simply want to sign my separation papers and be on my way.

I don't have a clue as to what I will do. I have about $50 and a check that should come on next Monday. I plan on visiting all of the job agencies and put my name out there. It doesn't matter, I would rather shovel dirt than work with people that are dishonest and disrespectful. They have always talked about integrity, but they have no idea what the word even means.

I already feel better about making this decision. I know it's over, but there is life outside of this company. I've spent a long time there, and do you want to know how much money I have coming to me out of my 401K...a lousy $1000. That's it. In 10 years, since becoming vested, I have used approximately $5000. All that tells me is that I would have a little over $6000 if I had never touched it. Man, whatever am I thinking? I need to save that for my retirement. Sad, just sad. This company is getting me nowhere, but I can't say nowhere fast because it's taken me almost 15 years to realize it.

Well, if you've read down this far, I thank you. I know this is boring, but it helps me to write it out.

Thanks for listening.

-lisa

eating: heath cookies
hearing: Robot Chicken...watching it too :)
reading: Trick or Treat...I forgot the author.
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© jofetish on
Sunday, Oct. 02, 2005 at 8:53 p.m.
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